Dear Readers,
My blog has always been something I attempted to make into a more consistent practice. But as you can see, we are mid-way through 2020 and not a single post has been published. I have a few in “draft” mode but I have not had the courage to publish them. There are two reasons for my hesitations: one, this blog has always been a place about my personal life and two, I am nervous of writing deeper posts about issues we are facing around the world and the judgments I could face. My blog, for most of its existence, has been focused on me and my experiences or just random poetry. I think many of you would agree that 2020 has been a year of reflections, setbacks, possibilities and uncertainties. At least it has been for me. For all of these reasons, I have decided to transform this blog into something deeper. I have a flow of topics that I am passionate about and that deserve to be shared, to be acknowledged.
What has led me to this decision, you might be wondering? Two words: Womxn Empowerment. After graduating with my Master’s this past June, my best friend and her boyfriend took the long bus ride to visit me from Germany. Their visit was much needed for my soul. I feel like after graduating my life has been at a free for all. If you personally know me, then you know how much I dislike surprises and uncertainties. Want to know how much I dislike these things? I read the last few pages of a book before starting it because I need to know the ending. With COVID-19 ramping the world my anxieties are at an all-time high that I now just fast forward movies and tv series, even ones I have never seen before. I start to panic and need to just get to the ending. I MUST KNOW THE ENDING then I restart it. I know this is disturbing and very unrealistic to real life. We can’t just fast forward our lives. It’s impossible. Which is why I needed my best friend.
Her visit was nothing short of enlightening. She is an inspiration, a trailblazer and a force to be reckoned with. Of course I needed this human being around me especially during a time I am rejecting the science of watching movies. This ambition to force positive changes and positive affirmations in my life began while hiking somewhere in Denmark with Zoë.
During our hike, we had this “aha” moment. We were in the middle of a field with horses around and no people around, which led me to yell. To release my frustrations with myself, my expectations and false beliefs of who I am, right there with the horses. Zoë also began to yell out affirmations. She asked herself “what would I do if I truly, richly deeply love myself”? She then looked at me and asked me this. She was right. What would we do if we loved ourselves? What would we do if we had no fears? What would we do if we believed whole-heartedly in ourselves? I felt like I was releasing pain into the world that I no longer needed to carry. She let me know “even if the world is against us we can catch ourselves”. I was reminded of the amount of change and progress I have accomplished in my life. It was this moment that we decided to have 5 goals we wanted to finish by the end of next year. We left the word “impossible” out of our dictionary. Anything was on the table. One of my goals was indeed about my blog. It was actually my number 4 on the list.
So here I am making myself accountable for #4. I am deciding to “truly, richly deeply love myself” by accomplishing my goals. Everyone has to start somewhere. Who knew that in 2013 I was going to even start a blog? Who knew I would even keep going with it? Now, who knew I wanted to be a more “serious” writer. My blog isn’t going to somehow become all academic. It just will have more depth. I just want to share stories about racial issues and how neoliberalism has impacted our world. But I’m not leaving you hanging with a burst of facts. Each subject will have stories, ones hopefully you can connect with. This blog, hopefully, will still be about me and my experiences but again there will be much more to it.
Today, I am asking myself “what would I do if I truly, richly deeply love myself”? This means I am no longer letting fear determine what I do or do not do. Overall, this is an adventure. A different kind that doesn’t necessarily involve plane tickets or excessive luggage. An adventure that I’d love for you to take with me.
Reflect, Rejoice and Enjoy the ride 
It was very awesome to read your post. I love the way you describe yourself and the experience you’ve gotten , all we know life is not that easy as we thought when we were childs, however we are still here working hard trying to make a better world. Global changes takes time but someone has to start it, if not it will be like a dozen of the others, so after reading it, I earnt a little bit of confidence and decided to keep working on myself and give the best I can no matter how far I can go, I’ll keep myself just moving ahead 🙂 thanks for sharing